Wednesday, 3 February 2016
GPI's Perfect Match: Tina Torrest - Greg Rymer
Stand Alone/Series Title: Remember When Trilogy
Author: T. Torrest
Welcome back to Glass Paper Ink’s PERFECT MATCH, we know we’re usually matching couples up here at GPI but we’ve decided to do things a little differently for Valentine’s Day, one of our lucky finalists will walk away with a grand prize of a ROMANTIC GETAWAY TO A DESTINATION OF THEIR CHOOSING TO THE VALUE OF $50,000.
Please welcome our next guest….Greg Rymer
Greg Rymer is a secondary character throughout the REMEMBER WHEN trilogy. He's a part-time handyman and a full-time horse's ass. He's also under the impression he's interviewing on-camera for a chance to appear on a dating show.
GLASS PAPER INK: Good afternoon, Mr. Rymer. Please have a seat.
GREG RYMER: Great. Thanks. Hey, do you validate parking?
GPI: Umm... I can look into it. Let's take care of the interview first.
RYMER: Sounds good.
GPI: And we're rolling in five, four, three...
*cameras start filming*
GPI: Let's get started. Question one: Do you believe in love at first sight?
RYMER: I believe my penis would say yes.
GPI: Uh, okay. Umm... How did you know that your present girlfriend was "the one"?
RYMER: Dude. I don't have a girlfriend yet. That's why I'm here.
GPI: Wait. What? Cut!
*cameras stop rolling*
GPI: What are you talking about? This is a game show about couples. *shuffles papers* I think you may be in the wrong place.
RYMER: Look, sweetheart. Kristine, is it? All I know is I got the callback yesterday. I was told to come down here to the studio for a final interview to qualify for a chance to be on "Hot Valentine Hookups." The chick at the front desk told me to head to Production Room 3. So here I am.
GPI: I'm sorry for the mixup, but this is a pre-taping for a Q & A that will appear on "Glass Paper Ink's Perfect Match." We aren't shooting "HVH" until tomorrow.
RYMER: C'mon, really? I came all the way down here already. Hook a brother up.
GPI: Well, I suppose since you're already here, I can take care of it now. I wouldn't want your fancy, red, tuxedo T-shirt to go to waste.
RYMER: Cool. Thanks.
GPI: Tell me about a special Valentine's Day from your past.
RYMER: Three words: Tequila. Hot tub. Twins.
GPI: What are your plans for this Valentine's Day?
RYMER: Well, if I get picked, hopefully I'll be spending it naked on an island with some hot chick.
GPI: What would be the ultimate Valentine's Day present your girlfriend could give to you?
RYMER: Hmm. Tough one. I should say world peace here, right? World peace always wins. But if I'm going for "ultimate"... I'll say she should make me a sandwich, then let me wolf it while she blows me. Final answer.
GPI: What would you rather do: Go out for a big flashy night on the town or spend a quiet night at home with your woman?
RYMER: Look. I'm not a flasher, alright? It was one time! And I only did it as a joke. To a dude.
GPI: So tell me what's the most romantic thing you've ever done for a girlfriend?
RYMER: Finally, an easy one. Okay. I was crazy about this one girl. Just totally nuts over this redheaded chick. I love redheads. Anyway, we had a friends-with-benefits thing going on for months but she wouldn't like, "go out" with me, no matter how many times I asked. So, this one time, I invited her over for one of our usual middle-of-the-night situations. But instead of just jumping her bones the first second she was in the door, I greeted her with a dozen pink roses. Had her favorite snacks all ready and I made a cheesecake from scratch. She was definitely impressed. We stayed up all night talking, fully clothed, and actually had a phenomenal time together. I guess she was convinced after that.
RYMER: Aaand we dated for a year afterward?
RYMER: What? Don't look so surprised.
GPI: Okay. How-well-do-you-know-your-partner time! GPI's Fast Five:
GPI: Top or Bottom?
RYMER: Bottom. I like to see her tits when she's doing me.
GPI: Sexiest feature on a woman?
RYMER: Her tits.
GPI: Biggest turn off that a woman does?
RYMER: Covers up her tits.
GPI: Three words to describe your dream girl?
RYMER: Busty. Red. Philanthropic.
GPI: First thing you think when you see a beautiful girl for the first time?
RYMER: Wow, great tits.
GPI: If you were to win GPI's Perfect Match, what destination would you pick for your holiday?
RYMER: I don't care as long as it's somewhere warm. Get me the hell out of this Jersey snow.
*cameras stop rolling*
GPI: Okay. Well, thank you Mr. Rymer. Our producers will review the tapes and let you know.
RYMER: Hey, uh... How do you think I did?
RYMER: Aw c'mon. It wasn't that bad, was it?
RYMER: Crap. Hey, you're kind of cute for a blonde. You want to grab a drink?
GPI: Ummmmm.... *looks around*
To vote for Greg - call 1300-GPI-Tina
Voting lines close midnight ADST 13th February.
Connect with Tina Torrest on Facebook
Purchase Remember When #1: http://amzn.to/1QWKzUY
Purchase Remember When Trilogy: http://amzn.to/23GqOpO